


Personal History Does Have its Benefits

by Queen__Queer



Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid, The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Aromantic, Aromantic Character, Aromantic Ethan Green, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Gen, Grayromantic, Grayromantic Character, Grayromantic paul matthews, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I will never stop making the characters i relate to be aro, I will pry the romance out of characters if i have to, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Pansexual Character, Pansexual ethan green, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, This Shit Gets Dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23627272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen__Queer/pseuds/Queen__Queer
Summary: Paul was a bland seeming person. Emma had always assumed he was a rather simple person. Though that opinion of him changed when the two stumble across a teenager standing on the edge of a bridge early in the morning.Takes place in an au where none of the events from The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals or Black Friday. Please mind the warnings in the tags, it gets dark.
Relationships: Bill & Paul Matthews, Hannah Foster & Ethan Green, Lex Foster & Ethan Green, Paul Matthews/Emma Perkins
Comments: 18
Kudos: 120





	1. A Bridge, A Meeting, A Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emma knew Paul as a very bland man with a boring life and a seemingly normal childhood if she were to guess. She expected him to respond in normal ways to stressful situations. So seeing Paul begin to bond with a kid standing on the edge of a bridge in the early morning was, to say the least, a shock to Emma Perkins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited for grammar, trigger warnings, chapter summary, and chapter title Oct. 24, 2020
> 
> TW: suicide, past suicide attempt, averted suicide attempt

Paul was bland. That was it. He was bland. Human elevator music. Emma knew that better than anyone. Yes, she loved Paul, but there was no denying that he was a fairly boring person when you first looked at him. Aside from the anxiety he was the perfect match for an every-man as far as Emma was concerned. The type of person who she assumed had a normal life, lived in a normal house, and had normal reactions to unusual circumstances. So it came as a shock to Emma when he was the first to act when the two of them stumbled across a teen boy standing on the edge of a bridge on an early morning walk that was intended to relieve some anxieties about the day to come.  
  
It was probably around 5:30 am at a guess, Paul had woken up early due to a restless night of routinely waking up as he tried to stay asleep and decided to take a walk before work to which Emma had tagged along. There were the first glimpses of the sun rising but even still, most of the light around them came from streetlamps and a few stray passing cars. They were crossing a small bridge over a highway not to far from their apartment. Emma noticed him first. A figure, tall and a bit lanky, curly-ish hair and a leather jacket from the look of it, standing on the opposite side of the barrier of the bridge on the other side of the street as them. Emma stopped walking and Paul took notice a moment later. He stepped back to stand next to her and asked, "Everything alright, Em?"  
  
"Look, over there," Emma responded, eyes only briefly leaving the figure to glance up at Paul who followed Emma's gaze. The second that Paul's eyes locked onto the person he was moving across the street with the determination of a mother seeing a sale at a store. A light jog turned into a small sprint while he barely glanced at the incredibly light traffic around him. He slowed his pace as he reached the other side of the road, going to lean against the bridge barrier.  
"It's strangely beautiful, isn't it?" Paul asked with a soft voice too calm for how he had just been moving, staring out to the horizon over the highway. The kid startled slightly and his hands tightened around the railing instinctively.  
  
"What-"  
  
"People always talk about the beauty of a sunrise over the ocean and all that basic shit, but I think there's something about knowing despite everything, the sun still rises and people go about their day. All the bullshit I'm worried about doesn't matter to the random cars, so why should I let it matter that much to me."  
  
"If you're trying to get me not to jump it's not gonna work. I don't need your hopeful crap. I've heard it all before."  
  
"You mean the 'it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem' stuff?"  
  
"That's the one."  
  
"Yup," Paul sighed and turned around. He sat on the railing. Emma got across the street and stood a few feet away from them as Paul continued, "it really didn't help when the times that I wasn't getting told that I was getting told to suck it up and be a man."  
  
The kid looked over with the smallest amount of confusion and shock in his eyes.  
  
"Though," Paul continued, "mental health talks were, honestly, so fucked when I was a kid. At least now most people understand it's an issue."  
  
"What the fuck did you have to worry about?" The kid spat, defenses raised, "I mean look at you. You're some random straight guy in Hatchetfield of all places. Don't try to relate to me, some fucking queer kid with a shit home-life and- have you seen Pride here? It's complete shit. I don't even have that to go to once a year to get away from my crap life so don't act like you can stop me from doing this."  
  
Paul gave a small and dry chuckle to himself, "Yeah, you have to go further than Clivesdale for a good Pride event. Even then it's pretty difficult to find anyone else like me when I do get there. But what can I expect, some people forget about ace people, how can I expect grayromantics to be remembered?" He shrugged and looked at the kid. "You get used to it after a while. Still weighs on your mind but, you just kind of go with it."  
  
"You're..." he shook his head and looked away, "so what then, so you can kinda relate to me but what? You just get used to everyone being a dick?"  
  
"I guess you can think of it that way."  
  
"What other way would you think of it?" The kid sneered at Paul.  
  
"Get good at feeling like shit. Don't get used to it, just get good at it."  
  
The kid looked down at the highway below them, seemingly contemplating Paul's statement. He ran a hand through his hair and asked softly, "How do you do that?"  
  
"Well..." Paul took a deep breath, "it's gonna be different for you than it was for me."  
  
The kid gave him a look that seemed to ask 'how so'. Paul responded accordingly, "If you start now, you'll still have kept hope. If you walk away from today wanting to get good at feeling bad you'll have actually tried to keep going."  
  
"Oh..."  
  
"You, you would really expect 16 stories to do the trick. But one shattered spine later taught me to never trust gravity."  
  
The kid's grip tightened around the railing again.  
  
"That was one hell of a hospital bill. If my parents weren't so worried for me they'd have been pissed."  
  
"That, um...h-how'd that conversation go?"  
  
"It hardly happened at first even when you ignore the fact I was basically comatose for a few days. I all but refused to talk for a few days after that but I realized there wasnt any point in that since I wouldn't be moving around. So I gave in and talked to them."  
  
"How did they react?"  
  
"They blamed themselves, blamed kids at school, my oldest brother thought it was cause I was closeted which...technically yes though not in the way he expected, though considering how I was in high school no one would've been surprised. It was my other brother who properly listened. He was a bastard in his own way, but getting married and having a semi-decent job gave him some perspective."  
  
"Why did you do it then..?" The kid asked, voice hardly above a whisper, "I-if you don't mind answering."  
  
Paul shrugged and Emma took a few steps closer while she listened intently yet kept quiet, "Everything just kind of started going to shit. Freshmen year I lost some friends and my grades dropped because I was distracted by that. By sophomore year I hadn't turned it around which made my parents put more pressure on me and my grades dropped more because of that. Junior year I was expected to have everything figured out, and sure I had an idea of what I could do but by that point I thought I was too much of an idiot to get it done. And right before senior year started, my parents had gone to my room to lecture me about turning my life around that year." He smirked slightly, "They said it like I was an addict or something. They told me I couldn't go out with friends I didn't have until I got my grades in line. My brother- the middle of us three, the one who kinda listened to me- he had just graduated college and moved away 3 months before so I was the only one in the house for my parents to lecture and put that pressure on. Plus my brothers both had girlfriends and jobs and had a clear future set out for them. Everything seemed to just line up at that moment to tell me to say screw it and throw myself out of my bedroom window once they were done berating me" He sighed, "My parents didn't notice until they heard sirens outside 20 minutes later and went to see what happened.  
  
"And, it was stupid. A split second decision that I thought would solve everything. I was a hormonal teenager who couldn't deal with my own bullshit, had as anxiety disorder I'd find out later, and thought I could momentarily play god with my own happiness."  
  
"And...and after you woke up again?"  
  
Paul locked eyes with the kid who's own eyes were red, "I would've done the same thing again. It took my brother listening to me rant about shit to get told something that helped. He made me make him a promise. I had to promise that I'd try my damndest to push through one more year, and if I couldn't get through the year, that I'd at least push through until I saw the milky way fade into the sunrise." He snickered to himself, "He was a bit of an astronomy nut and always claimed that watching all our known universe turn into just another day was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He sounded so stupid saying that. And yet, I promised him I'd do that. I thought I'd be able to try again in a week. Until I looked at the sky one night and realized we can't see shit in the city. So I planned to go out into some hills or some place at night just to watch that happen. Those plans always fell through because my parents wouldn't let me out of the apartment for a long time after. And once they did it was a long time before they'd trust me alone for a night."  
  
"Did you ever see it?"  
  
"Nope. I've made sure of it. When some work buddies went on a camping trip one time, I made extra sure to stay in the tent until I was 100% sure the sun had fully risen just in case I saw even a little glimpse of a star in the sky left over from the night. But something about that stupid promise made me rethink some shit, and even before I was out on my own I started to try again. I think it was a month after I left the hospital that I stopped feeling pity for myself. I told the thoughts in my head to go fuck themselves and they told me to fuck myself right back. The days I could I went out on walks. I'd force myself out of bed, make coffee, and just walk around the neighborhood before my parents woke up. And the days I couldn't I sat and tried to write. Or doodle. Really just to do anything I could. If I survived a day I started to consider that a win because that's what it felt like. Everyday felt like an eternity I never thought I'd get through. Maybe I'd spend a week in the same clothes, manage to shower 2 or 3 times a month sometimes, but I'd made it through. I learned how to bake when I didn't have the energy to leave the house. And over time that all helped. The days I couldn't get out of bed became fewer and farther between to the point I'd go months before having one again. I kept going. Life kept moving on. The world kept spinning. I rethought some things and started to focus less on the lack of friends and more on an internship I'd gotten. And when that internship lasted through college and became a job, I didn't have to worry about not focusing on the lack of friends, cause I'd gotten some.  
  
"My one friend, Bill, he had a kid and I became an Uncle to her. Even, one time, it was one of the first days in a super long time that I couldn't get out of bed, Bill needed someone to babysit Alice so he'd usually just drop her off at my place, but I didn't answer the door. He knew where the emergency key was so he let himself in, and when he found me looking like a fucking mess, he managed to reschedule whatever shit he had going on that day that made Alice need a babysitter just to make sure I'd eat and drink water. We never ended up talking about it after that day, but every so often if it's a weekend or something and I go quiet for a while, he'll come over just to check on me. Sure he claimed he just needed a break from his neighbors or some lame excuse like that, but I knew he just wanted to make sure I was ok. I honestly wouldn't be too surprised if he had heard about my 'incident' when he was in high school. Sure he went to a different school as me, but word of a kid jumping from an apartment window 16 stories up and fucking surviving spreads quickly. My life continued on. So now, even when I can't get out of bed, and even when someone else can't be there with me, I can deal with those days. Cause life is complete shit but I'm at least ok at feeling like crap and not letting it over take me. But, if I'm being completely honest, leaving my family was when I really started to be properly ok. I love them and all that shit but, I couldn't really find myself being ok, and find myself as a person, with my parents and at times my brothers breathing down my neck. Sometimes having a place to yourself does more than you'd expect."  
  
Silence hangs in the air for a moment. Paul swung his legs over the barrier and turned his body around to look over the freeway at the slowly rising sun.  
  
"W-what...what did it feel like..?" The kid trailed off, not being able to bring himself to finish his question. Paul answered without needing to hear the end, "It was relieving for a brief moment. Then cold. And then it hit me all at once. I felt like shit, and not only because I broke basically every bone in my body. Despite how much pain I was in I felt that I failed. I couldn't even kill myself right. I was a screw up. I tried to end the thoughts and just proved them right. The pain set in fully a moment later. I passed out so quickly I barely had time to process anything around me. Just that I had failed and even if I did die then, if there was a god they probably wouldn't want me in whatever paradise awaits the 'good' people." Paul looked beside him to see the kid staring at the ground below them with wet eyes, knuckles white as he gripped the railing. Paul looked down to the freeway and then up at the rising sun, "Hey uh, kid listen, I know this feels like the end of the world and shit but..." Paul took his phone out of his pocket and opened a new contact. He handed his phone over, "I may be some random guy you met today, but you can call or text me anytime. And um, we've got a spare room in our apartment since a roommate moved out kind of recently so, if you need somewhere to stay it's open for you...how old are you anyway?"  
  
"19, a-as a few months ago actually..." he took the phone and put in his number and name before he handed it back to Paul. Paul took his phone back and looked at the contact, "That's perfect then. Well, nice to meet you, Ethan. Would've been nice if we met under less, truly fucking shitty circumstances. But don't be afraid take up that spare room if you need it. And if you do don't worry about rent or stuff like that." Paul turned around and stood up from the railing. He took a few steps over and after a brief moment of hesitation, put his hand on the kid, Ethan's, shoulder. He spoke in a near whisper, "Just step over the railing. We can get you home or just somewhere safe and comfortable. It'll be ok."  
Ethan nodded slowly and sniffled. He brought himself to sit on the railing and turned around. He kept his eyes to the ground and slowly hopped off, "I'm- fuck I'm sorry for crying..." He wiped his eyes and removed his eyes from the ground yet did not face Paul, instead his gaze rested off to the side.  
"You don't need to apologize. Do you need to be driven somewhere?"  
  
"I, uh...y-yeah. C-can I take you up on your offer..?"  
  
Paul gave a small smile, "Of course you can. Do you need to get your stuff from somewhere?"  
  
"Yeah, yeah I-I do, if it's not any trouble..."  
  
"Of course it's not. The office doesn't need me for today anyway, it's just a 'surprise' retirement party for a bitchy secretary."  
  
"Th-thanks..."  
  
"Now come on, we'll go get my car and we can get anything you need."  
  
Ethan nodded. The two started to walk towards Paul and Emma's apartment with Emma joining them as they passed her. Emma leaned over and whispered to Paul, "Can we talk later?"  
  
He responded with a knowing nod.  
  
On the surface, Paul was very boring. A man that didn't seem like he had anything of much importance to keep close to his chest. Yet irregular events presented a side Emma had yet to see. She knew that she could not have dealt with the situation as well as he had and was surprised herself to see how calm he was. Though, personal history does have its benefits. And so it seemed like the world would continue to turn as Paul had said. Though each new rotation would leave Emma believing something.  
Paul Matthews was not as bland as she was first lead to believe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, I dont really write much and all multi chapter fics I've started die out quickly so I figured I'd try my hand at a one shot.  
> You can pry aro headcannons from my cold dead hands.


	2. You Can't Settle and Wallow in Self Pity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan never had much to tell about himself when asked. While having dinner with Paul and Emma, he ends up revealing more than intended. Though it seems like it'll be alright as Paul shares some advice he seems to have a rather personal connection to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like this is going to be a book of semi-connected oneshots. They're going to be (most likely) in chronological order. This one takes place the same day as the first one, just later after having gone to get Ethan's things from his house.  
> TW: Minor mention of suicide attempt.
> 
> Edited Oct. 24, 2020 for grammar

"So, Ethan, tell us a bit about yourself," Paul said as Emma grabbed and paid for the pizza they had ordered. Ethan had been given the chance to choose dinner for his first night in the apartment.  
  
"Uh, well," Ethan drummed his fingers on the table, "I like cars, I guess. I've been working on fixing up mine for a few years. I've, um, always wanted to go on a road trip 'cross the country."  
  
Emma put down the pizza and plates and each of them grabbed their food. She said, "Sounds fun. Got a group of friends you've been planning this with?"  
  
"I've got one. It started out as a dumb fantasy but we've just kinda been working towards it recently so. Though I guess it's less of a road trip and more just, moving across the country."  
  
"Jeez, at 19? Ok I'm not really one to talk though," Emma responded, taking a bite of her pizza. Paul hummed and asked, "Where were you planning to go?"  
  
"California."  
  
"Wow, when you said across the country you meant it then."  
  
"Yeah well, it was her idea y'know. Wants to be an actress."  
  
"Just the two of you then? You dating?" Emma asked.  
  
"Yeah, well, uh..." he drummed his fingers on the table again, "it's kinda complicated..technically yes but things have been...weird..."  
  
Paul nodded and responded, "Well you don't need to tell us about it if you don't want. How about hobbies?"  
  
He shrugged, "Don't really have time or money for that." Paul and Emma exchanged a look and Ethan continued, "It's mostly just hanging with Lex or her kid sister or working on my ol' jalopy-"  
  
"Your what?" Emma cut him off.  
  
"Do you use 1930's slang?" Paul asked, dumbfounded.  
  
"I, uh, what do you mean? People say that shit all the time."  
  
"I have never once in my life heard someone other than my grandfather unironically use 'jalopy' in a sentence," replied Paul.  
  
"Well- that's not the point! No, I don't have very many hobbies." There was a hint of a smile on Ethan's face.  
  
"Then tell us about, Lex was it?" Emma asked as she grabbed another slice of pizza.  
  
Ethan nodded and kept eating, "Yeah, Lex, my uh, kinda-girlfriend. She's, god she's just the best. She works hard at actually important shit, can hold down a job for longer than 2 weeks, and she's been acting like a fucking mom to her little sister Hannah for years now. I'd never be able to pull off half the shit she does. An' the only reason she dropped out of school was 'cause she was actually failing because of other shit. I just didn't care enough."  
  
"Shit, you legit dropped out of high school?" Emma asked as she made eye contact with Paul. He returned the look and turned his head to Ethan with an understanding look, "It all got too much for you." It wasn't a question, instead a statement. Ethan went to defend himself but hesitated, thinking to himself, 'Shit. Guy told me too much, he wouldn't believe me anyway.' He sighed, "Yeah, I guess you could say that. Made it through half of junior year though, so it's not all bad."  
  
Paul and Emma's faces showed a reaction that didn't require them vocalizing it. Despite that however, Emma did, "You what? Junior year, Ethan, bud, dropping out during senior year I get 'cause like, you're an adult and shit but junior year?"  
  
"What's the big deal?" Ethan asked, "shit's useless anyway. All it does is help you get into college or get a job and I've been fired from nearly every single place I can be so it's all fucked anyway." He thought for a moment and then continued, "Also thought I'd be dead by now so I didn't think that far ahead." Paul's face was near unreadable for Ethan. It was too much of a jumble of emotions and besides, Ethan was never that good at reading to begin with. "I just...none of it seemed right, y'know? I think, I felt like I didn't deserve it? Something would make me happy and I felt like I didn't deserve that. That I was just...too much of a screw up to get even the barest amount of joy. Felt like I was a burden for being such a whiny bitch all the time too. Lex could talk to people ok enough so she wouldn't suffer through high school without me and she was really the only one who could stand being around me. Teachers hated me, kids hated me, Lex didn't need me there and I could try and get a job to make some extra doe on the side. So I just, stopped showing up one day and no one asked. No one that I heard of anyway. I just disappeared off the face of the planet and no one batted an eye. And, a few years later, I guess I expected the same to happen..."  
  
Both Paul and Emma had finished their dinner, Ethan pushed his plate away from him and sat back in his chair in some attempt to make the conversation seem less important, less taxing on his part. "Then Lex could take what I had saved up, take Hannah and go...I mean, sure they'd be sad for a bit but...Lex would," he wrapped his arms around himself and mumbled, "Lex would find someone who could actually loved her...S-she deserves that, at least..." He hadn't realized he had started crying until he felt a tear hit his hand. He quickly wiped his eyes and looked away, "S-someone less broken...someone w-who can actually, h-have the feelings she does..."  
  
"Buddy, you're not broken," Emma's voice was soft and calm, "Emotions, especially love, they're difficult to figure out. Sometimes you just can't tell if you love someone or not. God knows I'm shit at realizing that."  
  
"And sometimes you just don't," Paul's voice copied the level and tone of Emma's. His eyebrows were knitted and hands were clasped together while resting on the table. He was unconsciously picking at his nail-beds, "Sometimes you just can't reciprocate those feelings. And, yeah, it can suck. You'll blame yourself a lot of the time, maybe even all the time. Or maybe you'll think there's not a bone in your body that could feel bad for not being in love with that person until you're laying awake at night or you see that person again. A-and sometimes," Paul paused and cleared his throat, hearing his own stutter, "sometimes you do find yourself feeling broken, and alone. You think the entire world is working just to make you an outsider in anyway it can. Trying to push you down. Trying to make you feel alone in the universe. That you'll watch everyone grow up and be happy without you.." He glanced up at Emma while he said, "And sometimes someone else will make you realize that you aren't going to be like that forever..." he looked back to Ethan, "and sometimes that person just doesn't exist. Maybe that person can't exist. But, you can't settle and wallow in self pity. Sure, there's a chance that a person won't come along and magically make everything better with some emotion, but that doesn't make you broken and that doesn't make you less of a person. Your humanity isn't defined by your ability to feel romantic love, it's not defined by sex or hell, I would say it's not even defined by empathy. Trying to define what makes someone human is worthless anyway. But all that stuff people say makes us human is complete bullshit. Because...dammit sometimes people are just people, and there's nothing more to it. Maybe you feel something specific and maybe you don't. Maybe you will someday or maybe you never will. But that doesn't make you broken."  
  
Ethan can tell that Paul is likely projecting just a small bit, based off of his now slight hunched shoulders and hands continuing to pick at his fingers, but the message was there loud and clear. It managed to get Ethan to stop crying which was a win in Ethan's book.  
  
Paul took a breath that was shakier than intended and expected. He looked at the time on the microwave, "It's getting late. We should probably all get to bed." He stood and grabbed all of their plates, going and putting them in the sink. Emma sat there for a minute before grabbing the pizza box and putting it in the fridge. Ethan stood a moment later.  
  
"Are you gonna need more blankets or pillows or anything?" Emma asked.  
  
"No, no I'll be fine," Ethan responded, rubbing the back of his neck. "I, uh...thanks you guys. I really can't thank you enough for all this."  
  
"Don't mention it" Paul told him, leaning against the counter, "It's no trouble."  
  
"Well then...goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow then?"  
  
Paul and Emma nodded. Emma told him, "Don't be afraid to ask for anything if you need it."  
  
"Goodnight, Ethan. Sleep well."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and the comments!! I wasn't sure how the first story would be recieved and was super anxious about it so it's good to know yall like it! And thank you to the people asking for more, you all really helped gave me that extra push to keep writing.


	3. 6:37am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan wakes up like normal in a not normal situation. Emma and him have a quick chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short and sweet. I just wanted a small break before more angst.  
> Edited Oct. 24, 2020 for grammar

6:37am. Emma sat sprawled out on the couch with a mug of coffee in one hand and her phone in the other. She was silently scrolling through a variety of social media, meanwhile Ethan creeped out from the guest room. He took slow and large steps. He reached the doorway and stopped when he noticed Emma. His breath hitched. Emma stood up and took a final sip from her mug. She put her phone on her pocket and took a step towards the kitchen area before she noticed Ethan.  
  
"Oh, hey Ethan. You sleep well?" She asked.  
  
"Yeah, uh, sorry for- well I just, I didn't expect you to be up this early and-"  
  
"Dude what're you apologizing for? It means less work for me if I don't have to write you a note saying to help yourself to the fridge. I've got coffee if you want any. I'm gonna make myself some eggs but if you want anything else have at it. Paul's already gone to work, something about a report being due or some shit like that." She yawned and poured herself another cup of coffee, "If you need anything just text us. Paul left a post it with our numbers and some coworkers' numbers too." She chuckled and shook her head as she started cooking, "Poor bastard's worried something could happen to us with you home alone. Eggs are good for breakfast right?"  
  
Ethan stuttered as he spoke, surprised, "Uh, y-yeah, yeah th-thats fine.." he rubbed the back of his neck and glanced around the connected kitchen and living room, "Are you two normally up by now?"  
  
Emma shrugged, "Yeah usually. Paul normally wakes up same time I do though. Are you usually awake at this time?"  
  
"Yeah, this is a bit later than I try to wake up at. I like to be out of the house before my mom wakes up." Emma plated the eggs and placed them on the table. She looked to Ethan who still stood in the doorway and said, "You can sit you know?"  
  
"Oh, yeah," he did as told and sat at the table in the same spot he did the night before during his first dinner with his new- well, he wasn't going to think about what this was.  
  
"Coffee?" Emma asked.  
  
"Yeah, if it's not a problem."  
  
"'Course it's not, I make coffee all day for assholes, making it for you is a nice change of pace. Any milk or sugar?"  
  
"Splash of milk, and a spoonful of sugar, I think. I usually just guess and hope it tastes ok."  
  
Emma nodded and did her best to make the coffee. She set the mug down in front of Ethan and sat down across from him. She started to eat and Ethan sat a moment before doing the same. He ate quickly.  
  
"So," Emma started, "Paul and I should be back around the same time. He might be back a bit later just 'cause of how he was talking about those reports or whatever. Probably be back around 4 or 5. If you go out don't forget to take the spare key, it's in the bowl by the door where we throw all our loose shit in-"  
  
"You're letting me have a key?"  
  
"Yeah, be kinda dumb if we didn't. We're not gonna lock you in or lock you out. So yeah, key in the bowl, I think Paul left some pocket money for you too if you do go out, use the tv or whatever, free range over the fridge, and yeah, I think that's about it."  
  
Ethan nearly spat out his coffee, "Wait he left me cash?"  
  
"Yup, I think it should be enough. I dunno how much he left but I'm sure it's a good amount." She finished eating and stood, putting her dishes in the sink, "If you're out and about and got any issues stop by Beanies and I'll see what I can do for you." She grabbed her jacket and keys. Emma opened the door and gave a quick wave, "See ya, Ethan. Have a good day."  
  
"You too, Emma."  
  
The door closed and was locked with a click. The apartment was silent.  
  
6:52am. Ethan was content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this is becoming a bit less of a oneshot book but hey, it is what it is. Next chapter isnt going to be as kind on the heartstrings as this one if all goes according to plans.


	4. A Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He just wanted to get the rest of his things and his car.
> 
> That idea went to shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey look at me writing again, who'd have ever thought. This isn't the idea I originally had for this chapter months ago (though after finding the draft again I think I might write that at some point).
> 
> TW for briefly and vaguely mentioned suicide attempt

Ethan had left the apartment, which was far more than he expected to do that day. He only took with him about a quarter of the money Paul had left for him. He had left with a plan to run home and grab the rest of his things and his car then get back. He was walking in downtown Hatchetfield, wanting to get Paul and Emma something small in thanks for letting him stay with them. He figured he could take a few minutes out of his barren day to do a bit of window shopping. It being the middle of a weekday meant that Ethan didn’t have to worry about there being too many people about. It was nice and surprisingly peaceful.

“Ethan! Hey Ethan!”

Ethan tensed. He muttered under his breath, “shit.” He turned and saw Lex walking towards him. She started to job and Ethan’s breath hitched as she reached him.

“Ethan, shit man, where’ve you been?” Lex asked, leaning against the window of a shop,

“Oh you know, around,” Ethan responded, putting on a layer of chill.

“Yeah very funny, come on it’s been a week. What’re you doing out here anyway? Not very like you to wander around here.”

“Eh, just walking. What about you?”

The two start to walk as Lex says, “I need to get Hannah a new jacket. I was hoping to find one before I have to get her from school.” Ethan nods, Lex continues. “But hey, I’ve got some free time until then, tell me where you’ve been.”

“I uh,” he glances around for any way out of the conversation, finding no way out but finding a way to delay it, “Wanna grab some coffee and talk?”

“Uh, sure I think I’ve got enough for-”

“I’ll pay, don’t worry.”

“Oh, thanks Ethan.”

He gave a small smile to Lex and glanced around for a coffee shop. Lex found one first and started to walk, Ethan close behind. She pushed open the door to Beanie’s and followed after Ethan as he entered. Behind the counter stood Emma, who looked up at the sound of the bell that rang as the door opened and smiled when she saw Ethan.

“Hey Ethan, nice to see you out,” Emma said as she threw a towel in her hand over her shoulder, “Get anything, don’t worry about paying.”

“Thanks Emma,” he gets Lex’s order and orders for the both before moving to stand against the wall, Lex next to him. Lex gave him a weird look and asked, “How’d you know her?”

“Oh, uh, well-”

“Is that where you’ve been for a week?”

“Lex, no, it’s not-”

“I mean, she’s a bit old for you, Ethan. Gonna be weird to explain to Hannah.”

“I’m serious, I-I’d never, we just met the other day and-”

Emma slid to drinks across the counter towards Ethan and Lex with a quick, “See you at home,” and got back to work helping another customer. Lex glared at Ethan, grabbed her drink and stormed out of the shop, shoving a man in a trenchcoat out of the way. Ethan ran behind her a moment later, “Lex, wait ba-” the word ‘babe’ caught in his throat, “just let me explain! Lex!”

“Explain what, Ethan?! How you’ve been fucking some barista behind my back? You moved in with her too? Or are you just spending the night with her?” Lex exploded, stopping in her tracks and turning to shout, “Why didn’t you just tell me?!” She started to tear up, trying desperately to hold it back. “At least try to let me down easy, huh? Was that what _that_ little care package you left about? Trying to cut me out on a good note? I was worried you were gonna do something stupid and I guess I was right and there was just a lot less funeral expenses!”

Silence hung thick in the air. Ethan’s breathing paused and Lex breathed heavily. 

“Fuck you, Lex.” 

It was Ethan’s turn to yell and Lex’s turn to hold her breath.

“Do you think you could shut up for once?! Cause maybe, you _were_ fucking right, ever think about that? Maybe I’ve got my own damn problems to worry about! Don’t try to know what’s going on in my goddamn head!”

“Maybe I’d know what was happening if you talked to me instead of fucking that barista!”

“I’m not sleeping with Emma! Jesus Christ will you shut up about that?! And _maybe_ I don’t talk to you cause I don’t want to hurt you, Lex!”

“And just how would you have hurt me by talking to me?!”

“‘Cause I don’t love you, Lex!”

They stood in silence.

“ _What?_ ” Lex asked with a weak voice.

“I never did.” He swallowed and tried to keep talking, “A-and, I didn’t want t-to tell you, c-cause I wanted you to have a good memory of me…”

Lex took a breath. She shakily muttered out, “Asshole,” and walked off.

Ethan stood. The world never paused for him to recover from the conversation.

He tried to go about his day once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short, future chapters will hopefully be longer.


	5. Interlude I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A break for a retold story.
> 
> Paul thinks over the events of yesterday with a story far older.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ayy a bit of a longer chapter!  
> Here's that Bill scene I mentioned all that time ago, with a twist from what we've been told.  
> And wow, 2 chapters in a row.
> 
> Who needs therapy when you can write out your emotions.

_The weight of the world was something Paul’s shoulders were surprisingly used to bearing. But even when you’re used to carrying something it’s easy to get tired after a while and Paul couldn’t remember how many years he’s been carrying that weight._

_He should’ve been expecting this, he thought, he had been feeling ok for so long. It wouldn’t last, he knew it, it never did. He hoped he could call in sick. Working a job only a few weeks and then disappearing wasn’t the impression he wanted to give. Maybe he could email? That way he wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. Yeah, that would work. He’d get around to that in a bit, he was just, so tired._

_There was a knock at his door and he jerked awake. He thinks he was asleep anyway. He couldn’t tell. He groaned and opened an eye. His phone had a notification. A text, he thinks. He couldn’t be bothered to check. There was another knock. He knew he should’ve wondered who it was. Though just as his mind was able to process that thought, a faint voice came from behind the door and through the living room, “Hey, Paul?”_

_Oh, it was Bill. He should go and open the door. Right? That was something he knew he should do, but he couldn’t. Of course he couldn’t._

__Pathetic. __

_Bill called out again._

__Get up Paul. __

_Another knock._

__Stand up and go open the door. __

_Silence._

__He left. __

 __Of course he did. __

 __Why would he bother staying longer? __

_The door clicked as it was unlocked._

_He knew where the spare key was kept. Of course._

_“Paul? I know it’s a day off and everything but, I didn’t hear from you all weekend and I got worried.” Paul could hear Bill moving around. Today was a day off? “I hope I’m not intruding.”_

_There was a knock on Paul’s bedroom door._

__Get up. __

_“Paul?”_

__Either get up or don’t say anything. __

_Paul mumbled. He wasn’t sure what he was trying to say. Bill heard it anyway._

_“Paul? I-I’m coming in.” The door creaked open and Bill stepped into the room, “Oh…”_

_Paul managed to glance up at Bill and give a small smile that would probably be sarcastic if he had the energy, “Hey Bill…” it was barely audible yet the sentiment was there. Bill crouched in front of Paul and put a hand on Paul’s forehead, “No fever. Does it hurt again or..?”_

_The look Paul gave said enough._

_“Oh…” he sat on the ground and looked at Paul. It wasn’t a pitying look, something similar yet different all the same, “What do you need from me?”_

_Bill never failed to read Paul like a book._

__He doesn’t mean it. __

_Shut up._

_“I…” Paul doesn’t know what he needs._

__You don’t need anything. You _want_ but you don’t need. __

 __What do you _want_ , Paul? __

_“I…” his throat hurt, “I don’t know…” his throat didn’t have a reason to hurt. He didn’t have a reason to be there._

_“How about some water? Is that alright, Paul?”_

_He nodded. That was enough for Bill. He stood up and gave Paul a small pat on his shoulder, “I’ll be right back, ok?”_

__No he won’t. __

_Bill left the room._

__Why would he be back? He'd be better off if he just left. __

_Paul could hear shuffling around in the kitchen._

__He’s getting his things and leaving. __

_He didn’t bring anything. He has nothing to grab._

_The faucet was running._

__He’ll at most get you water and leave. That’s too much work for him. __

_Bill returned, “Come on buddy, I need you to sit up.” He sat the glass on Paul’s nightstand. Paul managed to sit up onto his elbows. It was already too tiring. Bill helped pull Paul the rest of the way up. He handed the glass of water to Paul whose hands were shaking. Of course they were._

_Paul took a sip and stared blankly down at the glass._

_“Do you want to talk, maybe?” Bill asked hesitantly, “It doesn’t have to be about this.”_

_Paul shrugged and took another small sip of water._

_“Have you eaten today?”_

_Paul shook his head._

_“Do you think you could eat right now?”_

_Paul gave a small nod._

_Bill nodded and stood, “I’ll make you a sandwich.” He left for the kitchen._

__He should leave. Why won’t he leave? __

_Paul continued to slowly sip the water._

_A few minutes later, Bill returned with a simple sandwich. He sat on the edge of Paul’s bed and sat the plate on Paul’s lap. Paul handed the glass to Bill who put it back on the nightstand, and picked up the plate. He took a bite._

__You’re a waste of food. __

_“Has it been like this all weekend?”_

_“Not as bad…”_

_Bill nods, “You can call me whenever, you know that, right?”_

_“I didn’t want to bother you…”_

_“You never bother me, Paul.”_

__He’s lying. __

_“You’re lying.”_

_Bill looked shocked and then hurt, “Paul, I care about you. Really, I do.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because you’re my friend, Paul. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care about you.”_

_“And you’re not gonna watch me throw my life away again…” Paul said it mostly to himself. Bill sighed, “Yeah, I-I guess you could put it that way.”_

_“It’s a lot less literal this time.”_

_“_ Paul _don’t say things like that,” vaguely horrified is the best way to describe how Bill looked._

_Paul let out a sigh that was supposed to be a laugh, “Why not? Are you worried about me or something?”_

_“_ Yes, _Paul, actually I am.”_

_The small sense of a smile fell from Paul’s face, “Oh…”_

_“I’ve seen you hurting enough for a few lifetimes, Paul. I want to help you, any way I can.”_

_“Y-you’ve helped enough, Bill...I-I don’t want to burden you w-with my bullshit…I-I mean, you helped me get this fucking job, g-got me through college, you-” he let out a shaky breath, “y-you barely left my side a-at the hospital a-and-”_

_When had he started crying?_

_He shouldn’t-_

“Hey, Paul?”

Paul snapped back to reality, eyes refocusing on the computer before him. He looked over the wall of his cubicle to Bill, “Yeah, Bill?”

“Alice is coming to town next week and, well last time we talked she didn’t sound like she wanted to spend much time with me and she didn’t want me to be the one dropping her and Deb off places so I wanted to ask if you’d mind maybe driving her and Deb around? For old time’s sake, you know? And uh, well when I brought you up and when you and her would hang out when she was younger she sounded kind of excited at getting to hang out with you again. You probably won’t need to take her a lot of places but would you mind?”

Paul smiles, “Of course, Bill. Just tell me when.”

“Oh thank you so much, Paul. I owe you one.”

Bill sat back down and disappeared from Paul’s view. He tried to refocus on his reports but found himself unable. Maybe he should feel a bit bad about lying to Ethan about a few of the specifics of his story. But he said what he thought the kid needed to hear. The story of a stranger helping out of the kindness of his heart seemed like a story Ethan needed to hear. Was it moral? Maybe not. The kid’s alive though, that’s what matters really.

It also made retelling the whole story easier. It’s easier to face a fake past where less people were hurt.


	6. Look Who Came to Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan panics, he and Emma talk, and an impromptu dinner party is held. Ethan and Lex have a much needed conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is also known as: I forget how close together this all occurred  
> Ok, I'm proud of the length, not so proud of the actual writing but I'm not going to bother editing.

Emma could hear pacing through the door as she reached the apartment. It wasn’t unusual to hear Paul pacing, his coworkers were assholes and it helped him get some nervous energy out. She opened the door and dropped her keys in a bowl by the door, “Hey, Paul, who was it today? Was it Ted again- Oh, Ethan, sorry. I’m used to having to listen to Paul rant.”

Ethan looked up from where he was pacing. His eyes were red and puffy. Emma closed the door behind her and stepped forward, “Woah, bud, you okay? What happened?”

“I, uh, I ran into Lex today,” Ethan replied as he tried to fight off tears.

“Was that who was with you in Beanie’s today?” Emma moved away from the door as she asked. Ethan nodded in response and said, “Yeah, she um, asked where I had been the past week a-and when I knew your name and you said y-you’d see me here she-” he swallowed, “she freaked out a-and assumed the worst and I-I couldn’t explain and-”

“Woah, woah, calm down, deep breaths. Sit down, you’re only going to freak yourself out more.” She led him to the couch and sat down next to him. She put an arm around him, slightly awkwardly considering the height difference, “We can uh, we can work this out. What did- What did she say?”

“She thought I was cheating on her…”

“Jeez, that would make me such a fucking creep. But that won’t be _too_ difficult to explain. It’ll be a rough conversation but it’s possible.” She sounded unsure of herself.

“I-I also told her I n-never loved her…”

Emma took a moment and thought. She opened her mouth and spoke a moment later, “Ah, okay, that’s gonna be a bit more difficult but uh, fuck. Look, kid, I’m not good at this shit but you’re gonna have to talk to her. Soon. Letting this sit isn’t gonna make it any better. Um, invite her over, maybe? You can talk to her somewhere more private plus it’ll show her you’re definitely not cheating on her with me. I dunno man…” She looked over with a sympathetic face.

“That- that could work. I-I should call her,” he stood.

“You don’t want to text her first?”

“She knows that, w-we only ever call each other when it's important or an emergency. I just have to hope she’ll still answer.” He took out his phone, “I’ll be right back,” and walked to his room. Emma sat there and took a breath. She muttered to herself, “Went better than I expected.” She stood and checked the time, “Probably shouldn’t get take-out again.” 

Emma sighed and walked to the kitchen to start preparing dinner and a few minutes into boiling the water for pasta Paul came home. Paul walked over to Emma, putting his arms around her shoulders and kissing the top of her head, “Hey, Em.”

“Hi, Paul, how was work?”

“Fine,” he walked over to the couch and dropped his bag next to it. He started to loosen his tie, “How about you?”

“Same shit as normal. But uh,” she dropped her voice, “we have a bit of a situation with Ethan.”

Paul’s eyes widened, “Is he okay?”

“A bit shaken up but, yeah. Had a run in with his kind-of girlfriend and it went to hell quickly. I told him to invite her over, I think he’s calling her right now.”

“Oh,” Paul took off his tie, “How bad was it?”

“Pretty bad from the sound of it.”

As the water came to a boil Ethan returned to the living room. The two looked to him expectantly. 

“I, uh, I told her to come over for dinner and bring Hannah. I thought it would be better than leaving her alone with their mom. Is that fine?” Ethan asked.

Paul glanced at Emma, “Yeah, yeah of course. The more the merrier, right?”

“Ha, yeah…” Ethan murmured. “I’m gonna go get ready then. Said she’d be here in like half an hour or so.” He left the room once more.

\---

Ethan was pacing. He had neatened himself up and put on what looked to be the closest thing he had to a formal outfit, which in reality was really just his leather jacket and a nicer pair of jeans. He hadn’t stopped moving since.

There was a knock at the door and Ethan jumped. Emma was finishing making dinner and Paul, seeing Ethan looking too nervous to move, opened the door. Paul gave the two girls the least awkward smile he could muster, which was to say, still incredibly awkward. He smiled nonetheless, “You must be Lex and Hannah. Come- come on in.” Paul stepped to the side and motioned for the two to come in.

Lex walked in, Hannah clutched at her side. Hannah gazed up at Paul with a seemingly contemplative look on her face. Ethan had his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets, as he wore a worried and lopsided smile, “Hey Lex.”

Lex had a slight glare to her expression, “Ethan.”

He looked at Hannah and his voice became much calmer as he spoke, “What’s shakin’ Banana?”

She smiled. Paul closed the door and side-stepped around the Foster sisters, “You can take a seat, if you want?”

“Hope you two like pasta,” Emma said as he started to put bowls down on the table which has two extra chairs clearly pulled from a different room placed around it. Hannah looked at Lex who gave her a nod. Hannah sat first, taking one end of the table. Ethan sat down next, sitting on Hannah’s left. Lex sat next, taking Hannah’s right side. Paul and Emma sat last, Paul taking Ethan’s left and Emma sitting across from Hannah at the other end of the table. A brief silence hung over them.

“So uh, I guess we didn’t do proper introductions, huh. Well, I’m Paul and this is Emma, my gir- uh, Emma.”

Emma gave a small wave.

Lex nodded, “Uh, yeah, I’m Lex, this is my little sister Hannah.”

Dinner passed in silence. It was as the group was starting to finish eating that someone spoke again. It was Lex who asked, “So how’d Ethan meet you two?”

Paul and Emma were both standing, holding now empty bowls. They started towards the kitchen, “Oh we just-” Emma began to say before being cut off by Ethan.

“I’ll tell you, please Lex, let me explain it. But first, wanna watch a movie, Banana?”

Hannah nodded, “Yeah, I’d like that.” Ethan stood and looked to Paul and Emma, “Is that okay with you?”

“Uh yeah, go ahead,” Paul said.

“We’ve got Netflix and some old DVDs under the TV so have at it. I’m turning in for the night.” She set the bowls down in the sink. She stood on her toes and Paul leaned over in response. Emma gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Paul smiled and told her, “Be there in a sec, Em.” She crossed the room, wishing the group a quick goodnight and whispering to Ethan, “Tell them they can stay over if they need.” 

Paul turned to the sink and started to load the dishwasher. Once he turned it on Paul left as well, giving a small wave as a goodnight. Hannah flopped onto the couch, taking up the center and Lex sits next to her. Ethan sits cross-legged in front of the TV, pulling open a drawer in the TV stand and pulling out a few DVDs. He quickly sorts out the kids’ movies and tossed them onto the coffee table. He shoved the rest back in the drawer and stood, “What’d ya wanna watch, Hannah?”

She sorted through the movies, landing on Disney’s _Robin Hood_. She pushed the box towards Ethan who took out the disk and put it in the machine. He handed the remote to Hannah with a smile and the words, “Knock yourself out, Banana.” He ruffled her hair and put the rest of the movies away. He walked to the other side of the room and licked the light switch off. He gestured to Lex and crossed the room. Lex gave Hannah a quick side-hug then stood and walked over to Ethan.

Ethan opened a window and climbed out onto the fire escape. Lex followed him out and the two sat next to each other, legs hanging off the edge. The night air is cool and crisp. The atmosphere was much calmer than it had the right to be.

“So,” Lex broke the silence, “you gonna explain what’s been up with you?”

“Yeah, uh, so,” Ethan took a breath, “I won’t go into too many details but well, god, it was two days ago, shit. It's been a long few days, and nothin’ even happened yesterday. But uh, you know that basically useless highway that’s only used to get from downtown to the woods but no one uses?” Lex nodded. “Yeah well, Paul and Emma found me and uh, Paul kind of, talked me down.” A beat. “They said they had a spare guest room an’ who am I to pass up on not havin’ to pay rent.” He gave a weak chuckle.

Lex’s face was one of guilt.

“Don’t give me that look, Lex.”

“I’m sorry for blowing up at you, Ethan,” Lex muttered.

“Hey hey, listen, I don’t want you feeling all bad for me. We’ve both got our own shit to deal with.”

“Ethan, you know you can’t just brush this kind of thing off.”

“I know, Lex. And I promise I won’t. Cross my heart. I just don’t want you to have to deal with it.”

“I can be there for you, Ethan. You’re always taking care of Hannah for me, it's the least I can do, and I _do_ want to be able to help you.” Lex hesitated for a moment but placed her hand on top of Ethan’s.

Ethan let out a breath with a small smile. The two looked at each other with soft eyes and for a moment everything was ok.

“Um, Ethan, about what you said today,” Lex broke eye contact, going back to looking out over the city.

Ethan looked out too, “Right. About that...I think I’m aromantic. I think that’s the word anyway. I don’t really, love the same way you do. I-I still care about you and Hannah, always have, I just don’t think I care about you _romantically_ , ya know?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s cool. Are you uncomfortable with, like, us?”

“Not really. Only when we say we’re dating I think? I dunno, it's weird. I’m fine with lil’ pet names and shit I just don’t want it to be us _dating_ y’know?”

Lex nodded, “So, we keep doing what we have just not dating this time?”

“Sounds good to me.”

Lex moves towards Ethan and rests her head on his shoulder. The two smile.

It’s peaceful.

After a minute Lex said, “Come on, let's go back to Hannah. She’s missed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably only one or two chapters left after this, I'll try to wrap it up. I've got other ideas for better fics but I don't want to let this sit unfinished forever.


	7. Calm After the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul and Emma finally talk. He finally tells her what happened after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter! i hope y'all enjoy.
> 
> TW: mentions of suicide attempt, scarring

Emma was awoken by the bed shifting. She groaned and rolled over, eyes half open she saw as Paul stood up. She sat up on her elbow and asked, “Paul? You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just can’t sleep. Go back to bed, Em,” Paul responded softly.

Emma sat up more, “Do you want to talk?”

“I don’t want to keep you up.”

“It’s fine, Paul.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Paul let out a small sigh, “Okay, okay,” he sat down on the bed. Emma sat up all the way and crossed her legs. Paul took a breath, “You know, my back never fully healed. I’ve still got some complications here and there.” Emma nodded and hummed, allowing Paul to continue. After a moment he did, “The initial surgery took a few hours, or so I’m told, but that was far from the last one. And they all took a while. I think there was some nerve damage too, not much but, definitely some. That's why recovery took so long, well aside from the year it was gonna take anyway. How they let me finish High School I'll never understand. The teachers definitely took it easy on me when it came to sending my work to the hospital, aside from my math teacher but she was always a bitch. The physical therapy took a toll on me, I'm _still_ surprised I got up most days." Paul rubbed the back of his neck, "Did I ever tell you how I met Bill?"

"I thought you mentioned something about knowing him since High School but I could be wrong," Emma shrugged.

"No, no you're right. I told Ethan I met him after college but...He's a few years older than me, he was a college sophomore when I was a High School junior. Rent was cheap and he found a roommate so he got an apartment down the hall from us. We never really knew each other, I'd run into him a few times, been in his apartment once cause they wanted me to talk to someone to find out more about the college experience. I don't remember it, I just remember nothing that it was smaller which made sense since two college kids could afford it, but that was basically all of our interactions. That _was_ until," Paul took a breath, "Bill was the one who found me."

"Oh…"

"He was just coming home and found me on the ground. He didn't get to ride in the ambulance cause he wasn't family but I was told he visited every day to see how I was doing. He only stopped when my parents said they'd call him when I woke up. Which they did once I did. We didn't really talk, we still barely knew each other, but it was nice to sit with him. We _did_ eventually get to talking though. That was how we got to know each other, really."

"That's uh, quite a depressing way to meet your best friend, huh?"

Paul let out a small laugh, "Yeah. Bill and I never really talked about it after the fact. We still haven't. Though, that whole thing about my brother did happen. He was a bit more of a screw up than I let on, I mean, he got married while still in college and he was far from a star student but, he cared. He wasn't really there for my recovery though, and my other brother was out of state so," Paul shrugged slightly, "My parents were obviously there the whole time, and Bill kept showing up just to talk. I...honestly wouldn't be super surprised if at the beginning he was mostly showing up so he wouldn’t have to have my death on his conscience. I mean, I must’ve looked like a mess when he found me and, uh...yeah me dying after that would’ve _really_ fucked anyone up.”

Paul breathes and sits back against the pillows, “I’ve never told anyone that before,” he smiled, “That felt good.”

Emma smiled at him and placed her hand on top of his. Their eyes met and it looked like a weight had been lifted from Paul’s shoulders.

“You know,” he continued, a much lighter tone to his voice now, “that’s actually why I have all those scars on my back you thankfully never mentioned.”

“No shit. I just assumed you had a fucked up back as a kid or something. And I thought that’s why you got such annoyingly good posture.”

“You’d think, yeah.”

“Hey, thanks for telling me, Paul.”

“Thanks for listening, Em. Now,” he stood up, “I did also get up to get some water.”

Emma huffed, amused, “I’m going back to sleep then.” She laid down, turning her back to Paul.

“Sleep well, Em.”

“Yeah yeah.”

Paul looked at Emma for a moment longer before he quietly pushed open the door to their room and walked towards the kitchen. He stopped at the doorway to the living room. Small amounts of moonlight shone through the window, illuminating the outline of Ethan, Lex, and Hannah cuddled up on the couch and asleep. Paul tiptoed past them and to the kitchen. He grabbed a glass from a cupboard and filled it at the sink. He leaned against the counter.

The apartment was the calmest it had been in days. A sense of familiarity rested in the air, a sense of family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am already planning another fic, much more thought out this time with a proper plot. I hope you liked the ramblings of this fic. Thank you all so much.


End file.
